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Sunday, August 1st, 2010
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7:59 pm
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My paid account died here on DJ and my school friends are on LJ, so I've changed over and this has become my private journal. Entries will continue to be cross posted from my LJ to here, but it's simply for archiving purposes. Please add me on LiveJournal, Kill_To_Be_You!
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current mood:  peaceful
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, January 10th, 2006
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6:00 pm
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For a while I was going crazy, not being able to get it out of my head, thinking "What if I don't get a dorm? What will I do? I can't commute each day, I can't live at home! What do I do?" But for the first time since I heard that I only had a slim chance of getting a dorm at UWM, I feel a bit more at ease.
Candace, Nina, and I are going to get an apartment :) And it's not just some crazy idea, at least not to me; my mom has already said she supports the idea and will help me!
I'm so excited! There are pros and cons to everything- staying at home, living in the dorms, having an apartment, but I will just try and let things play out...
I just... I don't think I could stay at home. I don't know how I'll manage being away from home, but I think moving out for college is just something I need to do. For me, I've just thought of it as a natural part of college. There's so many plans I have, so many ideas, so much... everything. Plus, driving to school each day is just not something I want to have to deal with.
For multiple reasons, though, the thought of leaving makes me feel sick. One main reason, actually, but lots of other little ones too. Plus I have such high hopes for my life next year, so I worry things won't go as I'm hoping. I blame my current problems on things that should be different next year... but what if things don't change?
So housing arrangements are okayish... too bad I'm having seconds thoughts on photography as my career choice. I don't think I'm cut out for it; but again, I guess I'll just try and see how it works out. ...Assuming I get my portfolio and statement of purpose done and sent to UWM in time, eheh.
In other news, I changed my layout, I am still not failing French (*cheer!*), and lots of other unimportant, boring things :)
current mood:  surprised
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| Sunday, January 1st, 2006
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7:45 pm
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( Big surprise, more pictures. )
The rest of break was basically uneventful. Did get to go see Memoirs Of A Geisha with Tony, then went shopping a bit, and then to Noodles for dinner, that was nice. Then Friday my mom and I went to my Aunt's house for a bit to see her and my cousin.
Yesterday Tony got invited to a few parties, but I had nowhere to go, so he stayed home with me. So I new years consisted of sparkling grape juice, those silly confettti poppers, and the few people who were on the linkshell, hah. I feel bad Tony had to stay home with me; how lame, us bringing in the new year with people we don't even know personally -.-;
I want to have high hopes for this year, but I really, really don't.
current mood:  pessimistic
current music: "Good People" - Jack Johnson
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, December 31st, 2005
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1:28 pm
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This is probably the most boring survey ever because that's pretty much what my year was, boring. But I like to do some sort of review thing at the end of each year.
( So here it is anyways. )
current mood:  blank
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| Monday, December 26th, 2005
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12:53 pm - Mandatory OMGLOOKITWHATIGOT! post
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Just what the title says... ( but in picture form )
Real update sometime soon. I have stuffs from my friends and Tony to post yet, plus a buncha other pics... I just didn't want to make this update huge.
I hope everyone had a great Christmas ^^
current mood:  calm
current music: "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen" - Bright Eyes
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| Saturday, December 3rd, 2005
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3:25 pm
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And when I thought today couldn't get any better:
Not that it's some huge accomplishment, but I'm very relieved now. I do wish that my mom wouldn't open my mail, especially when I could tell that the letter was already opened, but then she acts like she didn't know what it said >_> That sorta really makes me mad, and made reading my letter a lot less special, gah. Oh well, all that's left to worry about is getting a dorm, and that info comes out in January.
Annnnnd, Chicago trip was lots of fun today; pictures and such soon.
current mood:  pleased
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| Thursday, December 1st, 2005
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4:26 pm
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| Monday, November 14th, 2005
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8:17 pm
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Portfolio Day was pretty much a disaster, but only because I made it so. They like my pictures (nice lighting, good composition, could tell it was a passion), buuuuuut... *insert stuff here*
And it wouldn't be so bad, they weren't being mean, but I was getting overwhelmed because there's no way I could do stuff they said to do before I need to send in my portfolio. I held through the MICA review, but then the MIAD guy just kept going on... and I just wanted to get away. Then he saw that I was getting upset, so he was trying to laugh and make me feel better, but I just started freaking out more... So basically I made a fool of myself in front of MIAD people. Yes, go me!
So I only got through 2 reviews, then when I started freaking out my dad blew up and started yelling at me about how stupid and crazy and dumb I am... My mom calmed me down and made him shut up for a bit, then her and I just got out of there and got lunch at the cafe. I love my mommy... *sigh* I'm not ready to grow up, how am I going to deal next year without her...?
Pretty much now I'm certain that I'm not going to an art school, so I guess all I have to worry about it my portfolio for UWMilwaukee. Oh well, I guess that solves some problems, as long as I get accepted and get housing.
current mood:  worried
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| Thursday, November 10th, 2005
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5:21 pm
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Mom took me to Cafe Bistro yesterday after school (and now I'm in love with the place), then we went to get gas and found that this little shop where I got my homecoming dress had moved right next to the gas station, so we stopped in.
And now I have a pretty new ( dress ) that makes me want ( to spin )
It'll be weird next year without random restaurant/shopping outings with Mom.
Portfolio day is this Saturday and I'm scared out of my mind. I'm discouraged as it is, and... I just can't go and let these colleges see my work and talk to them about it. I can't even do that with Wrobel.
I'm basically just waiting for second semester photography because then I'll be done with portfolios and college crap, and I can finally work on something different. I have this idea that I'm really excited to try out... but for now it'll have to sit dormant until I can seriously start on it.
current mood:  pensive
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| Sunday, November 6th, 2005
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7:44 pm
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Pictures:
( Halloween )
( Ashley's Party )
Somehow this weekend went by way too freaking fast.
I'm sending in my application for UWM after this.
Being on the computer all day makes my legs hurt.
I'm getting a B in math and probably a C or D in French, and I don't feel like having to try and explain those grades to my parents.
I really want to get away from here, even though I know how childish that sounds and how I'll probably regret saying it.
Everything's so dull.
I don't like winter.
current mood:  crappy
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, October 30th, 2005
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1:42 am
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Actually did stuff, like the haunted house with French club people and then Sally and I recruited people to get hot chocolate after instead of another haunted house. It was cold and far away and 10 more dollars, and just laughing and having hot chocolate and ice cream sundaes was nice.
Next day, Nicole didn't show up to help Candace and I bake for our project, but that's okay because I think it was nicer just having Candace.
Then school Monday and Tuesday, and off the rest of the week. Wednesday was our annual Olive Garden visit with Sammy, Candace, Nina, and Elizabeth, which was of course lots of fun.
Got my senior pictures. I have about 5 million wallet-sized pictures so I need to force people take one, or one of each pose even. Seriously, there's so so so many.
My new digital camera got here and I haven't quite mastered how to use it, but I'm very happy to have one again.
Josie (my dog), is getting really bad and I don't know how much longer she's going to last... She's an old dog, but it's hard to see her in the condition she's in now...
Other than that, a lot way too much FFXI, but I don't care.
I whine about never doing anything, but I never even make the effort to try and change that, so I won't start with that crap again.
I got to stay with Tony and extra hour tonight, I like daylight savings time.
current mood:  indifferent
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| Friday, October 21st, 2005
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6:04 pm
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My college visits went pretty well yesterday. While I was previously leaning towards MIAD, I'm liking U.W.Milwaukee a bit more instead...
( A looong college rambling )
My dad's ordering me my new digital camera tonight or tomorrow. Yayyy!
This week I finally went to a GSA meeting, which was fun. I like friends. Oh, and hot blue cashmere.
Going to the play at school in a bit.
Baking food with Nicole and Candace Sunday for Trends and Health.
I feel exhasted and want to play FFXI, but once again I can't log on. I wish they'd fix this...
I'm tired of trying at school... I never thought I'd get senoiritis, wtf.
current mood:  distressed
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, October 18th, 2005
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5:06 pm - The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time
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"Also people think they're not computers because they have feelings and computers don't have feelings. But feelings are just having a picture on the screen in your head of what is going to happen tomorrow or next year, or what might have happened instead of what did happen, and if it is a happy picture they smile and if it is a sad picture they cry."
[I just finished typing up my favorite quotes, so I can finally give you back your book Sally ♥]
current mood:  thoughtful
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| Monday, October 10th, 2005
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8:25 pm
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I didn't realize how attached I was to my camera... I don't like it being broken... *whimpers*
I've been taking pictures with my regular camera though, so I'm actually gonna have stuff to work on in photo tomorrow... so I don't have to sneak out to help put up the display so he doesn't see me just sitting around =X Meh..
I was in the writing center today since the library was closed for some meeting. There were only 3 other people in with me, and then this random teacher man came in...
Him: "Would any of you like some ice cream?"
All of us: "...."
Him: "We have these cream puff things with ice cream in them, anyone want one?"
After all us just sitting confused and him asking us bunch more time, I couldn't resist the ice cream so we went into the library and there was this table full of plates of BIG cream puffs with ice cream and chocolate and strawberries o_o I was expecting little tiny things... I went back into the writing center and the other three kids just looked at me like "wtf…", I felt stupid, but it was yummy ^^ So random though.... o_o
Considering I haven't done anything picture worthy lately (even if I had a working camera...) I'll just put up ( some FFXI pictures I've taken ^^ )
current mood:  okay
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, October 3rd, 2005
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5:29 pm
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( I forgot about posting Homecoming pictures )
Saturday, Tony and I went to see Corpse Bride. Yesterday my parents made me go to some college fair, which took a long time, but I'm glad I went. I found 3 colleges offering pastry arts, and lots and lots of schools offering majors in photography. I saw Miss there, and then later someone came up and hugged me and it was the Poogle ^_^! Excitment! Afterwards my parents drove past MIAD and UWMilwaukee. Neither campus seems too impressive, but meh. I like the area of town they are in, though. Then we got to go to Beans and Barley which is one of my favorite restaurants (Mostly all vegetarian stuff) ^^.
Anyways, I found a college in Georgia that had a book full of really amazing student work. And another art school in Minnesota that seems impressive (but only had 200 students, 50 faculty members... which is... tiny). Problem being that all the art schools are private schools, meaning they are probably twice the price of a regular UW school... so I don't know...
I'm gonna lay them all out and narrow them down soon I hope.
Also, I think I broke my digital camera, because now it won't turn on. Oh joy. And what good timing, when I'm supposed to be shooting for my portfolio -_-;
current mood: indifferent
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| Thursday, September 29th, 2005
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4:14 pm
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Everything is about college, now.
Why am I not ready at all?
I have about a semester and a half to make a portfolio... that I haven't even started on. It won't be good enough, it won't win anything in Scholastics, and it won't get me into an art school. I don't really know why I bother, because I don't even like my work. I'm too limited with my pet photography for multiple reasons, and I want to experiment with other subjects... but I have absolutely no time to do that. Even if I found something I liked, I'd have no time to develop the idea.
I think I'm pretty close to just saying screw it and going to some monotonous four year college to major in some dull subject that I don't give a damn about. I guess an art school would be a waste anyways, considering that all the good grades I've gotten would really amount to shit.
The thought has crossed my mind to maybe go into culinary arts.… gourmet chocolates or pastries or something, but I really know nothing about any of that. Maybe I should research schools for it or something... but I don't even know if that's really what I want to.
Mom said that if I went to MIAD (which I won't be able to get into anyways), we couldn't afford an apartment there, so I'd be living at home. I don't want to stay at home for college. I want to get away from this neighborhood that knows everything about everyone. I, like most people, want freedom. But I'm so scared, because I really don't think I could take care of myself if I didn't live at home. I'd be so lost... I know nothing about supporting myself...
This year I wanted everything to be happy and fun to try and make up for the fact that I'm freaking out about college, but so far it's been the opposite. I'm feeling so nostalgic for times that will never happen again, and I hate it.
current mood:  crushed
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| Wednesday, September 21st, 2005
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5:37 pm
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I haven't posted pictures for awhile, so I guess I'm going to make up for it today.
( I need to learn to upload my pictures from my camera more frequently )
We did yoga in Trends in Health and Fitness (that class needs a shorter name) and tomorrow we're doing some sort of hip-hop dance aerobics. Which I will suck at as much as, if not more than, Salsa aerobics. That class is still fun, though.
I think I quit at photography and French.
And now I'm off to the Pep rally. So much excitement and school spirit, can I handle it?! >_>;
current mood:  bouncy
current music: "My Friend Peter" - Alkaline Trio
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, September 8th, 2005
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4:13 pm
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Seeing Megan was difficult, like her mom told us it would be.
I don't know what I was expecting, but this wasn't it.
I know she's going to get better, but seeing her there, unable to talk or have a sense of what was going on, made it so hard to believe.
But she's getting better, so it'll be okay.
It's just awful seeing her lying there, moving her legs and arms around and pulling at her blanket and the cords and tubes connected to her.
It was like I was looking at a shell of her.
I told her hello, and then I don't think I said anything else, just smiled at her to keep from crying. Her mom told her to look at my nail polish, so I put out my hand and she took it and looked. She laced her fingers in mine and then turned my hand a bit and laced them in again. I was so nervous of doing something wrong, making her upset...
I'm truly sorry for intruding on you four who were originally going to the hospital, but I really wanted to see her... thank you guys so much, I'm very sorry I made you feel like you had to invite me =/
Then the day went downhill from there and crashed. And today was ok, but it's back to how it was yesterday and I want to go on but this is too long and whatever. I'd just get yelled at for talking about it anyways.
current mood:  infuriated
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, September 6th, 2005
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4:06 pm
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I want to go visit Megan O, but I have no one to go with. And I think I'd feel wrong, or out of place, because I rarely saw her outside of school before this, so would visiting her at a time like this be wrong? I don't know, it confuses me, and I want to see her.
School is still decent; the days go by fairly quickly. Now, in French class, I sit next to Benedict, the girl from France, which makes me nervous, and it means she'll be my partner for things and I feel stupid.
In English, Mandy, Sarah, Amanda, Brenda, and I were a group and we had to vote people off an island. We killed a baby, this doctor's wife and handicapped kid, and tried to kill the prostitute, but the other groups voted no. The handicapped kid dancing and throwing coconuts, babies floating when thrown in water, killing more people than we needed to, and STDs; we were saying horrible things, but the sad part is that I laughed more during that than I did all day. Hmm.
Also, today ( I wore a pair of my striped new socks. )
I need to find somewhere to go during 6th hour. What a stupid hour to give me release.
current mood:  indescribable
current music: "Transatlanticism" - Death Cab For Cutie
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, September 1st, 2005
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5:44 pm
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I think I've done this like every other year, so once again:
[AP French V] Huge class... ugh. There's an exchange student from France who is gonna make me really nervous.
[Pre-calc] Foley again, so it should be ok. Except we need a partner and I don't think I'll have one because the only person I know has a bunch of other friends in there. So whatever.
[Photography] Small, small class. I think I will enjoy this because half of the class is mon poulet, Sammy, Candace, Ian, Elizabeth, Chris, Megan O and Steve. And most of the rest of the people seem tolerable.
[Trends in Health and Fitness] Nina, Candace, Nicole and Lindsey. Class sounds fun, teacher seems nice, the rest of girls may prove annoying considering they include that Clarissa girl, but whatever.
[Lunch] Almost everyone seems to have this lunch, but they all sit apart, so it's odd. I don't know. And Candace doesn't really know anyone but Kristin and I, so I feel bad.
[Stagecraft] Obviously Heagle again. Way smaller class than last year, since they split it into two classes. And since we are the first one, we don't need to clean up. Yayy.
[Senior Release] I had nowhere to go, so went to library study hall with Miss, Melissa, Jack, and Megan O. Unfortunately, they are splitting the study hall into 3 class room study halls... so I'll be alone in the library if I stay at school. But going home wastes gas and is so pointless.
[English 12] Amanda R, Mandy, and Sarah. Mrs. Kasdorf again, and she likes us, so this should be ok.
[Physics] Michelle and Nate, and luckily we all get to be lab partners. This seems like a painful class, but I can't really make up my mind about the teacher yet.
So that was school, and I don't know. I was glad to see everyone again, though.
current mood:  annoyed
current music: "Marching Bands Of Manhattan" - Death Cab For Cutie
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